


Musings of a Circle

by Of_Lights_and_Shadows



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: AU, Akashi Kuroko Midorima and Nijimura are special, Akashi Seijuurou-centric, Akashi is Absolute, Angst, For the most part, Gen, Get ready for the feels, alternative universe, can you guess what that means, everyone lives their moments of happiness, mostly on Midorima's PoV, only Death is absolute, this is hella weird, unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 07:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5155877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_Lights_and_Shadows/pseuds/Of_Lights_and_Shadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only thing that's absolute is Death.<br/>Akashi Seijuro is both.<br/>He finds his mirror opposite in his sempai.<br/>He sees hope in the phantom standing next to him.</p><p>Midorima Shintarou can only stand witness to the mess that follows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Musings of a Circle

**Author's Note:**

> "Only Death is absolute in the world.". I saw this quote and told it to Starrie, so I'm asked "What about Akashi?". I'm not thinking and reply with "Akashi is still absolute."
> 
> This is specially dedicated to my cousins, who lost their father on the 7th. I started writing this one on the 6th, so it only feels the right thing to do.

 

 

Midorima Shintarou had heard about Akashi Seijuro. That he's a boy who keeps his distance from everyone, not making friends, as their teachers ushered kids their age to do. Other kids claimed that he acted like a spoiled prince, and never tried to include them in their games.

 

Shintarou is merely nine when he first meets with Seijuro, but he can _see_ , and what he sees terrifies him.

The small, lithe arms that cradle a basketball as though it's a weak-bodied infant, carefully standing the furthest from all, the way he only talks to himself and, most importantly, the ominous dark-shaded aura that forms around him.

It's knowledge he was born with, only two kinds of people have such an aura: those who are on their deathbeds and those that have their minds infested with the idea of causing their deaths.

The red-haired boy is neither. He just keeps to himself.

That's enough to make him think that maybe Akashi is different, like he is. With that in mind, he tries to approach the younger boy.

Only to be shoved away at first.

 

As the next few years progress and he gets to know him better, he finds out why he acts like that.

Akashi Seijuro is _Death._

 

 

-//-

 

 

In their first year at Teikou, his own heritage becomes clear. He, himself, is different than those around him.

When he looks himself at the mirror, he sees things others don't: antlers sprout from his green hair, growing a little bit with each passing day, flower wreaths decorated with the most virbant colours one can imagine in them. The sight sometimes hurts his eyes. During winter, leaves and flowers wither and fall, and his antlers are left barren. It's a welcome change, and he doesn't feel his head that heavy.

He's not sure what he is, but if he had to take a guess, he'd say he's some kind of embodiment of Nature. It's the only logical explanation he can give in this irrational situation he has found himself in.

On the other hand, he never sees Akashi's colours change. If anything, that aura he first saw those years back takes form. The danger reds and despair blacks (along with occational deep, mysterious purples) have made way for two pairs of skeletal wings, even though that second pair is hard to notice when he's not looking from behind. His pupils have turned into cat-eyed slits, something he's sure others can see, and one glaring moment is enough to make others leave him alone in fear.

He always keeps his face unsmiling, expressionless. He still doesn't allow himself to open up to people, to come closer to others. He's proud and doesn't want anyone to pity him; however Midorima is sure Akashi craves nothing more than companionship. It's obvious by the way he forces himself to keep minimum contact with all living beings -even flowers simply wither at his touch-, the way he avoids even slightly crowded places like one would avoid the plague, or a pair of leatherette gloves that he never fails to wear.

He denies himself the sense of touch completely, and Midorima can't help but feel sorry for him and admire him the same time. It takes great courage and determination to willingly deprive yourself of one of your senses like that.

Akashi repeats the same thing whenever he's asked why he always wears those gloves.

 _"The past mistake, I won't let it repeat itself."_ is all that he says every single time, ignoring how the taller boy is conflicted as to if he should give him a slap in the face or hug him tightly and never let go. He needs a rude awakening, he needs to know that there are people there for him (even if, for now, Midorima was the only one around), that he was immune to that lethal touch, but nothing ever brings results.

Midorima sighs every time he sees him.

His colours seem to get bleaker with every passing day.

 

 

-//-

 

Akashi decides to try out for the basketball club, so Midorima follows, in hope the redhead will notice the way he thinks and feels about him. However, the shorter teen is so focused in his own world, in the cruel rules he has set upon himself to notice.

They're both placed on the first string, along with two other first years (Murasakibara Atsushi and Aomine Daiki, he'd come to know later on), a feat never achieved before. Being chosen for the first string during your placement exam wasn't an easy feat.

He's relieved to see his friend throw himself into working with his new team. It's good for his mind of grim thoughts.

On the other hand, he fails to notice how enamoured Akashi seems with one of their sempai. There's nothing special about him at first glance: slightly taller than him, hair at the colour of ebony, and a seemingly charismatic leader to the team. However, that wasn't enough for Midorima, so he decided to watch closely their interactions when Akashi was appointed the new vice-captain of the team.

Akashi lowers his guard around him, allows himself to touch and be touched, to feel and accept happiness and, as much as Midorima loathes the fact that his affections aren't returned, he's happy seeing the one who has captured his heart is in a joyful state.

He can't help but be curious, so he turns to his inner eye, directing it to their sempai. What he sees startles him, for he could never expect to witness a harmonious swirl of both bright and dark colours fitting to his nameshake, with ever-changing shapes and forms. It takes the forms of flowers and animals, vague shapes of different people, and that brings him to only one conclusion.

Nijimura Shuuzou, irrational it may sound, is _Life._

The saying goes that opposites attract, and it seems to be that case with Akashi. He feels attraction to the older player, apparently, but it doesn't seem that such affections are returned.

 

Akashi throws himself to creating a great team even more, and expresses that desire to Midorima: a player that can unexpectingly change the flow of the game at any given moment.

And that happens when Aomine introduces them to a player on the third string he has been practicing with.

Kuroko Tetsuya draws Akashi's attention, and, after a while, he develops a unique playing style that brings him to the first string.

 

 

-//-

 

 

"Oha Asa placed Sagittarius last for today." Midorima told him one day. "Today's lucky item is a Soul Eater keychain."

Akashi's look is one of terror as the red and black scythe-shaped trinket is placed in his hands. The questioning look worries him. He doesn't know, and he's scared.

_Does he know? That my existence is an anomaly?_

_Isn't he disgusted with me?_

_Isn't he afraid?_

Akashi mutters a 'thank you' and leaves hastily, not regarding that they still have practice, for the first and last time of his life.

He bumps into Nijimura who asks him to come with him.

 

They visit the hospital, when Nijimura senior is lying on a bed.

"Akashi-kun... right?" he asks, to which he nods. "Shuuzou speaks fondly of you." he smiles at both teens before turning to his son.

"Shuuzou, can you please call a nurse? Or perhaps a doctor?"

"I can go." Akashi offers. It's better for father and son to be together.

"They know Shuuzou, it's better he goes." the man claims, and Akashi has no reason to object.

The man turns to him as soon as his son is gone, and the words that come out of his mouth makes his heart sink.

_"I know what you are."_

The silence of a grave falls on them.

"I'm not accusing you or anything, don't worry." he's quick to ask. "But I need to ask for a favour."

Akashi is eager to help. "How can assist you with?"

"I want you to take my life."

Akashi's expression is once again, horrified. "I can't do that! No! Please think about your family!"

The man sighs. "That's exactly why I'm asking you to do it. I don't want them to hurt seeing me on a bed I might never even manage to get up from. They have lives and I'm not the only part of them. I have to let them go."

He stops for a moment, before continuing. "I know it's going to hurt a lot. It always hurts when you're losing someone. And it hurts to not know when it's going to be your last day, when any day could be your last day. I just want it to end. Is it selfish for me to want that?"

He shakes his head that no, he's not selfish, even if he's not sure. The man needs reassurance. "Wouldn't it be better if your family was present?"

"It'll cause them much pain."

"Is it better to feel guilt rather than pain, then?"

"It is to me." the man claims. "Will you do it?"

Akashi is a person who can rarely can say no to someone's request. "How should I do it."

"Place your hand over my heart."

"Left or right?"

"Right."

 

When Shuuzou returns, he finds Akashi standing still and expressionless, and his father not breathing anymore.

 

 

-//-

 

 

Midorima doesn't get along with Kuroko.

At all.

Their opposing natures clash a lot with each other. Not only their attitude towards life and their basketball style are different, but their very existence.

Kuroko Tetsuya is the embodiment of _Afterlife_ itself, something Midorima doesn't believe in. What he believes in is the things he can witness with his senses; he can't quite gasp what's beyond the inevidable, so he chooses to deny the possibility of its existence.

Kuroko, on the other hand, follows Akashi's directions but he's not afraid to speak his mind when he feels he has to. He's probably the only one to go against Akashi that way, and Akashi humours him.

Kuroko is, perhaps, a perfect match to Akashi, more so than Nijimura. He thinks that, perhaps, it's how people view life and death.

Life is happiness and worry.

Death is fear and despair.

Afterlife is hope.

He knows that Akashi's darker side, the one who doesn't hold emotions instead of hiding them, the one that is simply _Death_ and not in the least Akashi Seijuro, emerges for passing moments and then goes away. He's afraid that he might be lost to the point of no return and that nothing will be left of Akashi Seijuro.

He's desperate, and that dispair makes him put his faith to Kuroko Tetsuya, even if he's still not willing to accept his existence.

 

 

-//-

 

 

The ball echoes through the court, where Murasakibara is dominating Akashi.

Everyone stares in disbelief, as their Captain is, in a way, humiliated in front of them.

"After I score this basket, I'll be able to do whatever I want, right?"

Midorima can feel it. He observes Akashi closely and what _sees_ is by far the most terrifying image he ever received, and he's sure nothing can top that.

Not one, not two, but _three_ pairs of skeletal wings adorn his back, his limbs look emaciated, as if he's merely skin and bones, with his alabaster skin paler than usual. It's a sight not for the weak-hearted, that's for sure.

And then, Akashi glares at the purple-haired giant, and the words that come out of his mouth bring chills down his spine.

 

**_"Don't defy me. I'm absolute."_ **

 

 _This isn't Akashi._ Midorima realises when he hears those words.

_This is Death._

This 'Akashi' easily changes the flow of the game against Murasakibara. The giant stares at the scoreboard in disbelief, then back to Akashi. Midorima speculates everyone has sensed it; this isn't the Akashi they knew. Kise's mutterings, and Momoi's trembling hands are proof enough.

Kuroko is with Aomine right now, and Midorima worries if their relationship takes a turn that they'll never manage to go back after it.

There's nothing he can do now, so he only hopes.

 

-//-

 

Kuroko finds only Akashi present on court when he returns.

"It didn't go well." Akashi observes. It's something not surprising to Kuroko, for Akashi to tell how he felt.

"In that case, you should give up on Aomine. There's nothing more anyone can do about it anymore."

Confusion is evident on the slightly shorter teen's expression.

"Did you think that everything will remain as it were?" the redhead asks in an amused tone. "It's only inevidable that things change. Is is that unexpected that it took the turn it did?"

"What are you talking about...?" Kuroko mutters, only to shake his head just a moment later.

 

_Wrong question. That's not it._

_What is the right question?_

 

**"Who are you?"**

 

He witnesses a twisted, unchacteristic grin forming in his Captain's face.

"Would you believe me if I told you that I'm Akashi Seijuro, Tetsuya?"

"I don't." he bluntly denies it. "You aren't Akashi-kun."

The silence between them is suffocating.

"Do you see it, then?" he suddenly demands.

Kuroko is taken aback by the question at first, but then he focuses his gaze and sees what he couldn't before. He freezes in place in awe and terror alike. Akashi is covered by a cloak of darkness and shadows in a fashion that resembles armour. It moves, swirling around the other as though it's a living being with its own free will. These shadows, if that's what they really are, cover parts of Akashi's form, enchanchig the intimidating air usually surrounding Akashi.

He feels despair's clutches seizing him, but there's something pulling it away; an invisible force that protects him.

It's _hope_ , he realises; because those two are two opposing sides, even if they both stand at the two sides of the same coin.

 

He knows, maybe a little too well, that nothing causes more dispair in human hearts than death.

The promise of afterlife is the only hopeful remedy to it.

 

"If you can see it, then you must have figured it out." he claims.

"Who else?" is all he can say. "There must have been someone else, as well."

Akashi only grins and waves him goodbye, exiting the court.

 

 

**_Absoluteness exists only in Death._ **


End file.
